The Knock at the Door
by kelsey01
Summary: If Sandy isn't in Florida, where did she go? Sodapop was the last person with her, and the police suspect he knows something. Ponyboy knows his brother is innocent, he just has to prove it.
1. Chapter 1

This is a story I started to post ages ago then took down. I recently decided to rewrite and put it up again.

* * *

I took a last drag of my cigarette and flicked the butt toward the rising sun.

Twenty-four days since Johnny had died. I couldn't help but add it up each morning as I stood out on the porch and watched another day come.

I'd lose track eventually of all the days. Just like I did with my parents. They would become weeks, and then months.

One day when I stood out there the past would be years behind me. It was hard to imagine the day would come. I turned and headed inside for a shower.

XXX

Water streamed down over my head. Something banged against the door.

I kept my eyes shut and stood in the muffled darkness.

The water was hot and it was the damp wall of the shower my hand pressed against but still it reminded me of that night.

The icy water closing over my head and my lungs screaming for air.

"Ponyboy, hey Ponyboy!"

I opened my eyes. Blinked against the light. By the fountain I had opened them to night and to darkness.

I scrubbed a hand over my eyes as the water ran from my hair.

"Pony, man, I got to get ready," Soda said. His tone pleading, impatient.

"Alright, I'm out," I yelled back.

I ducked my head under for a final rinse and snapped the water off. The old pipes banged. I swallowed and stepped out.

XXX

I cracked the blinds open enough to cast rays of light across the top of the desk.

I lit up a cigarette and let it dangle from my lips as I shuffled through the paper I'd written for English.

Words in my hurried scrawl jumped out at me.

Dally … gun … desperate.

I put them down and held the cigarette in my fingers, contemplating burning a hole through the words.

I'd already handed the first half in to Mr Symes, just to show him I was doing something. It was taking a lot longer than I'd expected but last night I'd gotten to the end.

A knock startled me out of my thoughts. A knock at the front door.

It wasn't even seven in the morning. The door was unlocked and any of the boys would have just walked right in.

I ground the cigarette out in the glass ashtray and pulled on jeans and t shirt.

It had to be cops, or welfare making a surprise visit. I couldn't think of anyone else that would knock on our door at this time.

I stood in front of it, hesitant. Another knock came, louder.

Darry kept a baseball bat leaned up by the front door and I glanced down at it before turning the door handle.

A man old enough to be my dad, or someone's dad, dressed in overalls.

But he was no police or welfare.

"Sodapop Curtis home?" the man asked.

"Who wants to know?"

I was ready to be bawled at for my smart mouth. Most any adult would have but the man only stood still, the pale blue sky behind him.

"Dennis Ross."

I felt a prickle of nerves, the same uneasiness as when the knock had come at the door. Something out of place.

Ross was Sandy's name.

"Wait here," I said.

I wished Darry was home, but he'd already left for work. He'd come into our room and shook us awake, ruffled my hair and said morning and hurry up and bye.

I burst into the bathroom, shut the door and leaned back against it.

"Sodapop!"

He was a dark shape behind the shower curtain, humming and running his hands through his hair.

"Yeah?"

"A man called Dennis Ross is at the door for you."

There was a beat of silence. Then Soda snapped the water off.

"That's Sandy's old man. What the hell is he doing here?"

Soda grabbed his jeans off the towel rail and stepped into them without drying. He headed for the door with water dripping from his hair onto his shoulders.

I followed and stood up beside him, keeping my hand down near by the bat.

I'd heard stories of fathers with guns coming after the boys who got their daughters into trouble. But surely it was only that, a story? I didn't know anyone who that had really happened to.

Dennis Ross was average height but a heavy guy, broad shoulders, gut popping out the zipper of his overalls. A man who looked like he could throw a solid punch. Or fire a gun.

"Curtis," Dennis Ross said.

"What do you want here?" Sodapop responded, not bothering with niceties.

Dennis cleared his throat.

"You heard anything from Sandy?"

For a minute I saw Soda flinch, saw his throat move as he swallowed.

But when he spoke his tone was casual.

"Nah, haven't seen her since the day she left for Florida."

If I didn't know better I'd have thought he didn't care at all, Dennis Ross never could have guessed he'd cried over her.

I felt the anger at her burning in me again, and at her father for bringing it all up again.

Only last Friday he'd come home talking about a girl he'd met. He'd flopped down across the bed beside me and smiled at the ceiling and said, "man, I think she likes drag races almost as much as I do."

"Last night I phoned my mother in Florida to see how Sandy was getting on. And she didn't know what I was talking about, said she'd never been there."

Dennis shifted his weight from one foot to the other. I had thought he looked ready for a fight, but now I saw he was just tired, struggling to keep on standing upright.

Soda turned from Dennis to look at me. I saw the hurt in his eyes, the confusion. Then he turned back.

"She might have gone somewhere else, sir."

I could see what he was really thinking. She hadn't gone to her grandma after all, but off with the other boy. The one who got her pregnant.

Sandy's father straightened, his demeanor changing, stiffening. I found my gaze going to the baseball bat again.

"Now the day she left she told me she was going to meet you. Said she was going to say goodbye. So I thought you might have an idea where she went if it wasn't Florida."

Soda shook his head a little.

"She asked me to drop her off at the bus stop. I said I'd wait with her but she didn't want me to and ... well, I had something on."

"You didn't see her on the bus?"

Her father said it like an accusation. I glared at him, wanting to point out he was the one who sent his own daughter away, who never saw her to the bus.

"I had family stuff on," Soda said, his tone harder. He meant me. The week I was gone with Johnny was the same week Sandy left.

Dennis Ross sagged again. It was hope, I realized. Hope tensing him up, hope holding him together. Now it was gone.

"I had thought you would know," Dennis said. "I thought maybe you and her came up with some scheme."

Soda shook his head.

"Far as I know she was in Florida," he said. "I even wrote to her there."

Her father nodded a little.

"My mother mentioned a letter came for her. She thought it must be a mistake. Can you ask around? Her friends, I don't know who her friends are, but she used to go out and meet with girls ..."

He trailed off, looking lost.

"I'll ask," Soda said stiffly. "I have to get ready for work now."

He shut the door and pushed past me as he headed back to our bedroom.

"Man, I don't know what's clean and what's dirty here," he said.

I watched him sort through his clothes for minute, picking out his work shirt and trousers.

I waited for him to say something and he just dressed in silence, sat down on the bed to put his socks and shoes on.

"Where do you think Sandy went?" I asked finally.

Soda shrugged.

"How would I know? You better get ready if you want a ride to school with us, Steve ain't going to wait."

"I guess I could ask Evie and the girls at school, since you'll be at work," I said.

"If you want."

"You think she never got on that bus?"

"Pony I don't know and it ain't my problem anymore," Soda snapped.

I shut up and headed down to the bathroom. My hair wasn't growing out fast enough. Somedays I considered shaving it all off just to get rid of the blonde.

"Then everyone will think you just got of reform school," Soda pointed out when I told him.

But maybe that wouldn't be so bad. I already got looks from people who recognized me from the news. Who thought they were looking at a hero.

If they thought they were looking at a criminal it would seem no less a lie. All the things I should have done different ran through my head in a loop each night.

I was combing my hair when I saw Soda's reflection in the mirror, standing in the door way. I pretended not to notice him, just kept running the comb through my hair, watching the lines it left.

"Pony, I'm sorry," Soda said. "It's just, sometimes I feel like she was someone I never knew at all, you dig?"

I thought of Johnny killing, Dallas breaking. Darry crying. I put the comb down and turned from the mirror.

"I know," I said.

I wished I'd never pushed it. Soda was right. It wasn't his problem.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews! I will try and update weekly.

* * *

Steve and I sat in his car in silence after dropping Sodapop off at work. We never did have much to say to each other.

I lit a smoke and settled back against the seat.

"Hell Ponyboy, open the window would you? Don't want my car stinking like an ashtray when I take Evie out tonight."

I rolled my eyes. He sure never ragged on any of the other guys for smoking in his car.

But I put the window down a little and flicked out the ash.

"Has Evie ever said anything to you about where Sandy went?" I asked him.

Soda had mentioned the visit from Sandy's father to him, they'd made a joke and laughed and moved on to other subjects.

I went between being glad he didn't seem cut up about her still, to wondering if he could really have gotten over her that quick.

"Yeah, she said - poor Sandy getting stuck in Florida."

"She don't know where she went either?"

"She knew as much as the rest of us, why would you think she would know?"

"Because she's her best friend. Girls talk a lot don't they?"

Steve laughed.

"They sure do. And they hold their cards tight when they want to. Especially a girl like Sandy."

"What do you mean, especially like Sandy?"

"Well she was running around on Soda wasn't she? What do you think I mean?"

I shrugged, took another drag on my cigarette.

Especially like Sandy, he'd said. As if he'd always expected something like this of her. Used to be Soda and Steve took Evie and Sandy out together all the time.

I always imagined they were all friends, but maybe they weren't. Or maybe like me, Steve had liked her fine until she cheated on Soda.

"Did you have any idea what she was doing?"

"Shoot no I didn't," Steve said. He stepped on the brake and swung into the school driveway, sending me sliding across the vinyl seat into the door.

"I'd have told Soda if I did, wouldn't I now?" he added.

I nodded. I couldn't imagine Steve seeing Sandy with another boy and keeping it to himself.

Steve pulled down the rearview mirror to check his hair.

"But where would she be if she didn't go to Florida," I wondered aloud.

Steve combed back the sides of his hair.

"Well Ponyboy there's a whole country out there," he said, sliding the comb back into his pocket.

He got out the car and then stopped to wait for me so we could walk in together. A month ago he never would have waited. He was trying to help, but it only reminded me of how everything had changed.

XXX

Without Johnny around I didn't know what to do with myself at lunch break. Two Bit and Steve were usually hanging around with their girls and I felt as if I was in the way, even if Two Bit always called me over to sit with them.

Sometimes I wished I had some friends from class, but the kids who were friendly enough when I was sitting beside them in Maths sure never asked me to hang out after.

I was headed around the back of the school so I could have a quiet smoke when I saw Evie and Kathy come walking out of the cafeteria.

They gave me a wave as they passed by and I veered toward them.

After all I had told Soda I would ask the girls at school. He hadn't seemed to care much either way, but I wanted to be able to tell him I had.

They both stopped and waited for me to come up to them.

"Hi, Pony," Evie said.

"Did Steve tell you about Sandy?" I asked them.

I didn't really know how to talk to them, so I just got right to the point. Besides Kathy kept talking about setting me up on a date with her little sister. I didn't want that to come up again.

Her sister was fourteen but already making like she was twenty. And she'd dated Curly Shepard at one point, before he was sent away.

"She's good," he'd told me, with a boastful tone. As if I might like to line up for a turn.

"About her not being in Florida you mean?" Evie asked.

"Yeah. I told Sodapop I'd ask if you knew anything."

She pressed her lips together, shook her head.

"Steve told me this morning. First I've heard about her since she left."

I looked at Kathy.

"Did she say anything to you about where she was going?"

"Just that she'd already asked her grandma and arranged to come and stay with her. She said she was going to do her cooking and housework for her because her grandma's getting frail."

Kathy paused, tucking her long hair back as a breeze blew.

"I told her if all she plans on doing is cooking and laundry she may as well have married Soda and stayed in Tulsa," Kathy added.

For a moment I imagined Sandy moving into our house, in our kitchen cooking dinner, watching TV with us in the evening, and another mans child growing inside her. I felt a shudder at the picture in my mind.

I was glad she'd run out and left, wherever it was she'd gone to.

"She has an aunt and uncle there who can't have children of their own," Evie said. "She's going to adopt the baby to them."

Then she stopped, frowned to herself. Because who could say what Sandy was really planning to do now?

XXX

I leaned against the bench, trying to look unconcerned. Darry stood across from me, reading the note my English teacher had sent home.

He'd given it to me after class and told me to take it home to my brother. I'd given in to temptation and lifted the seal on the envelope to read the note before Darry could get home.

It wasn't anything bad. He said I was making good progress toward raising my grade, based on the theme I'd started.

I'd sat out on the porch having a cigarette and contemplating if I should throw it out without showing him instead of reminding him how bad my grades were.

But then I remembered how we'd talked the night Soda ran out the house and we had to chase him down, and I left it on the kitchen table for him.

Now looking at him I tried to remind myself of what I'd told myself earlier. He would try not to yell. I would try to understand why he ragged on me about school.

He looked up and met my eyes.

"Well you've missed a lot of school Ponyboy," he said. "It's not bad. But you can be making A's."

I nodded a little.

"Yeah, I'll try," I said, since this is what we were doing. Trying to understand each other.

"Trying won't cut it," Darry replied. "You pay attention in class, get your homework done after school, that's what you'll do."

No amount of understanding would ever stop him wanting more. For a minute I thought of my mom. She would have mentioned that he said I was a talented writer. She would have asked to read it.

But Darry didn't say anything else. Just put the note back down and headed for the shower.

XXX

Sodapop got in from work just as we were sitting down to eat. Darry stood up to grab his plate from the oven and put it down on the table for him.

"Dinners up Soda, your late."

Soda strode into the kitchen and swung into his chair.

"Karen came by to get gas and I ended up taking her for a coke," he said, grinning.

Karen was the girl he'd told me he'd met at the drag races last weekend.

"She just came for gas, huh?" Darry asked.

"It's what she said," Soda said, picking up his fork.

"I'm surprised they don't run out of gas about four every afternoon in there," I said.

Soda chuckled. "Best time of the day."

There was a knock at the front door.

"Ah shit," Darry grumbled. "Probably someone wanting to sell something."

"I'll go tell him we're broke as everyone else around here," I said, standing up.

The knock came again as I crossed the lounge. It made me remember we hadn't told Darry about Sandy yet. I'd had the teachers note on my mind when he got home, and then when Soda came home in a good mood I didn't want to bring it up.

As I opened the door I was hoping it really was a salesman calling. I'd open it and tell him we didn't need a new set of pots and he'd leave again.

But it was two policemen standing there, and somehow it wasn't as surprising as it should have been.


	3. Chapter 3

I crouched down on the porch, my head as close to the window as I could get.

Darry had sent me outside while the police spoke to Soda, like I was a little kid. I'd slammed the door and stomped down the steps and spun around and shuffled back up to the house.

I was pissed off, but more than that I was curious. When I'd told my brothers there were cops at the door asking for Sodapop Curtis Darry had just about hit the roof, while Soda sat there looking indifferent.

Soda had gone to the door while I'd tried to catch Darry up quickly on the mornings visit from Dennis Ross.

"It was about half three I dropped her off," Soda was saying now.

I raised my head up enough to take a look. Darry was standing against the wall with his arms folded, despite the cops invitation to sit down.

"No trouble, just a few questions and then we'll let you get on with your evening," he'd said. As if we might trust a word they said.

Soda was sitting on the couch by the window, the cops seated in chairs opposite him. One of them was young and leaned forward, notebook on his lap. The older one looked bored, as if he thought this was all a waste of time and Sandy was happily off with her new boyfriend somewhere.

"What did she have with her?" the interested one asked him, pen hovering over his notebook.

Soda shrugged a little. He was fidgeting, twisting up the hem of his shirt. I wanted to run in and give him a smoke.

"Her purse, and a suitcase. I don't know what was in it, I guessed it was her clothes."

"And what were you driving when you dropped her off?"

"Our car there."

I ducked my head down fast as they turned to glance out the window at the Ford parked up outside.

"Did she have a bus ticket?"

"She said she was going to buy one. She didn't have it yet."

"Hey Ponyboy, what are we hiding from?"

I just about had a heart attack at the whisper in my ear. I whipped around and saw Two Bit crouched down behind me.

"Shit, Two Bit, don't creep up on me," I hissed at him.

"So the teachers note was that bad, huh Ponyboy?" he whispered, shuffling up beside me.

"Cops are in there." I flicked my head back toward the road where the police car was parked up on the other side of the street.

"Oh hell, they at your place?"

"Yeah, keep it down. They're speaking to Soda about Sandy."

Two Bit shut up for once and leaned his head toward the window like I was doing.

"You are aware Sandy is pregnant?" the older cop asked.

Soda pressed his hands together in his lap. I wished I could go in and sit down beside him. Darry was just standing there, looking at Soda. I silently urged him to go to him, knowing he wouldn't.

"Yeah, I know."

"Who is the father of Sandy's child?"

"I don't know," Soda said, so softly I could hardly hear him.

"But you're her boyfriend?" the young cop said.

"Was. It ain't my baby."

"Were you angry to learn she was pregnant?" The older cop again. He looked slightly more interested, and it made me nervous.

"Yeah, a little. I mean, she was cheating on me."

Mom always used to say - Soda couldn't lie to save himself.

Darry said something then, but he was all the way across the room and I couldn't hear exactly what it was. But the cops looked to him then to each other.

"No, we're just trying to get in contact with her to reassure her parents she's ok," the young cop said. "If you hear anything at all from her, if she phones or writes, I want you to give me a call."

The old cop reached out to pass Soda a card and they all stood up.

Two Bit and I hastily slid to the edge of the porch and lit up cigarettes, as if we were just sitting there killing time.

"Evening boys," the old cop greeted us.

I watched the interested one wander around the Ford as he crossed the yard, looking in the windows.

Then he set after the older cop and said something to him. They both turned around and looked at the car.

Two Bit waved to them cheerfully. I sucked on my cigarette, wondering what it was he had seen.

XXX

I was jolted awake, drawing a sharp breath. The image behind my eyes faded away. I grasped for it, trying to remember, but all that was left was the fear.

I slowed my breaths, reaching an arm for the warmth of my brother beside me. But my hand swept a cold bed. I turned and there was no one there, just the rumpled sheet tossed aside.

I sat up and flicked the lamp on so I could see the bedside clock. It was nearly three in the morning.

Soda had come to bed after me. I'd been half awake and had felt him restless beside me, pulling the sheets on and off, turning over, sighing.

I got up and went through to the lounge. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness I could pick out the empty chairs, the silent TV. The front door stood open.

Soda was sitting out on the porch just in his shorts, smoking a cigarette.

"Hey, what you doing?" I said, coming out and sitting down beside him.

I folded my arms across my chest. The air was cool and a light wind blew.

"Pinched one of your cigarettes," Soda said, flicking ash between his feet.

"Can't you sleep?"

"Nah." Soda offered me the smoke and I took it.

We sat and watched the quiet street. Clouds moved across the stars.

"Don't worry about Sandy, she'll turn up soon. Hope she realizes all the trouble she's caused."

Soda ran his hands through his hair.

"I think I saw him one time, the other guy."

"Like with her?"

"Yeah. At a party. I had to work late so she went with Evie and I was meeting her there. Anyway when I walked in she was sitting on the couch with this guy. She kind of stood up quick when she saw me."

I took a last puff on the cigarette and flicked it away. Then I remembered the ashtray Darry had put down beside me last night.

"Quit tossing your butts all over the yard," he'd said.

"Who was he?"

"I asked her and she said he just started talking to her and she was hoping I'd turn up so she could get away from him. But she didn't really look like she wanted to get away, you know?"

He gave a short laugh.

I found myself remembering Kathy describing how Sandy was going to cook and clean for her grandmother. Something about it bugged me a little. All that detail. Like she was trying to talk someone into believing a story.

"Where was the party?"

"Tim's house. One of his boys getting out of prison. Can't remember which one."

"I think that's when I was grounded for getting drunk," I said, remembering Curly Shepard inviting me to a welcome home party around that time.

He looked at me.

"What you doing up anyway Pony?"

"Bad dream, that's all," I mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed. It was stupid after all the shit I'd seen and done to still be getting scared by dreams.

"Come on," he said, "I'll come back to bed too. Otherwise I'm gonna be late again tomorrow."

I remembered something from earlier in the evening.

"Soda, what'd Darry ask the cops before they left?"

"He asked if I needed a lawyer."

He put a hand on my shoulder as we walked back into the house. He always made me feel like no matter what happened, it would be alright.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews! Managing to keep up the weekly updates so far...

* * *

There she was, on the front page of the paper. I walked out across the lawn, dew shimmering on the grass, and pulled the paper out of the mail box.

I unfolded it as I walked back to the house and then stopped dead. The cold seeped into my shoes as I stood there.

A photo of her right at the top of the page. A question blaring underneath in heavy black print. Where is Sandy?

A question that accused us all of something. And her smiling at the camera, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. A word in my mind that I couldn't unthink. _You bitch._ I stared back at her for a minute then lowered it when the front door banged open.

"You got the paper there Pony?"

I jumped up onto the porch and wordlessly flipped the paper to show Darry. Then I turned it back around and read out the caption to him.

"Tulsa Police are appealing for any sightings of 16 year old Sandy Ross. She was last seen at the bus depot after being dropped off by her boyfriend. Ms Ross is described as five foot five tall, so on and so on."

I folded the paper back up and looked at Darry.

He rubbed a hand over his jaw and cursed.

"Wish that girl would call home and let someone know what she's playing at."

"You want it?" I asked, handing him the paper.

He tucked it under his arm, glanced over his shoulder at the house then back to me.

"Pony, do you know if Soda has any idea where she might be?"

I shook my head.

"You need to tell me if you do. No matter what you promised him. I know he talks to you about stuff."

He waited. Something in the way he said it made me wonder if it ever bothered him, the way me and Soda talked when he wasn't around.

"He says he has no idea. He really doesn't."

"Ok," Darry said. "Let's hope she turns up soon."

I followed him in the house. He went to the kitchen and pulled bacon out the fridge.

"Go and tell Soda to get up," he told me. "Show him the paper. He's gonna see it anyway when he gets to work."

Soda was awake, sitting on the side of the bed. I dropped the paper into his lap.

"Sandy's on the front page," I said, wanting to get it over with.

"She is huh?"

I watched him looking at her photo, wondering what words were going through his mind.

He tossed it back down and stood up.

"Let's not keep that one for the scrapbook," he said. "I'm gonna take a shower."

XXX

I sat in science class, chewing on a pencil, half listening to Mr Watts droning on about the experiment we were about to do.

It was the first class of the day and the room was still cold. Around me the other students were quiet, half asleep.

He handed a box of test tubes to a girl to pass out.

"You can work in your seating groups," he instructed.

I glanced along the bench at the three kids I was sitting with. I hardly knew them, even though sometimes we would borrow a pen or paper off each other. No one here was my friend.

Noise started to rise as people got busy setting up the test tubes, chatting to each other.

"Ponyboy, would you come and get the bunsen burners," Mr Watts called out.

I heard talking behind me as I walked up to Mr Watt's desk.

"His brother," a girl whispered as I passed the bench at the front. Where the soc's always sat.

I stopped, looked. The girl looked back at me. Clamped a hand over her mouth.

The boys beside her stared at me, bold, the way they always were.

I turned away again, took the box of Bunsen burners.

"She had dumped him, right?" one of the soc boys asked me as I walked back to give them out.

I stopped again. Mike Adderson. He was cousin to Randy Adderson. But while Randy might have laid off us greasers these days, Mike had only stepped it up.

"What are you talking about?" I asked stiffly.

"You know what I'm talking about," he said. "Your brother. She dumped him for some other guy, right?"

"Swapped one greaser scum for another," the boy beside him said, smirking at his buddy. "You think there'd be no difference."

I tightened my fingers on the box.

"It's nothing to do with you," I said.

"Ponyboy pass those out now," Mr Watts said.

The girl leaned forward.

"But is it true she was pregnant?"

"That's none of your business either," I said.

"She was then?"

I banged a Bunsen burner down in front of her and went to the next desk. Another four socs sitting there with their smug faces. Watching me, hanging on to every word.

"Don't get him mad, Patty," Mike said. "You'll end up dead like the others."

I spun around. He looked almost afraid, then he jutted his chest out.

"You saying she's dead, you must know something we don't," I said.

He held his hands up.

"Hey, no offence. Just saying, people keep dying around you Curtis boys ..."

I rushed him as he sat on his stool. The box still clutched in my hand drove into his guts. I swung a fist at his mouth.

He fell back into the girl and she shrieked, grabbing at the bench as she slid to the ground with him on top of her.

A gasp went up at the crashing sound and everyone stood up, clamoring to see.

"Your dead, Curtis!" one of the soc boys yelled at me.

I stared down at the tumble of bodies and chairs on the ground, regret chasing down the anger which had surged in me.

XXX

The school corridor was quiet except for the heavy stomp of Darry's work boots. I didn't have to look up to know it was him. I stayed seated outside Mr Scott's office, like I had been all day.

The principal had phoned him then informed me he wasn't able to get away from work and I'd have to wait to be collected.

I chewed on my lip as Darry's boots got closer. I could see his legs in dusty jeans. His hands hanging down by his side.

The last bell had already rung over an hour ago. I'd sat and watched the office lady type and answer phone calls. Seen two other greasers being dragged into the office.

Two Bit had come and paid me a visit at lunchtime.

"Heard you got into a fight Pony," he'd said.

"News travels fast," I said.

"It sure does," Two Bit replied darkly.

Before I had time to ask about what he meant Mr Scott had come out and ordered him to leave.

"This is not your local hangout," he'd said.

"Well stop inviting us over," Two Bit had said as he sauntered off.

I'd spent the day wishing the hours away, but now that Darry was here I found myself wishing for another five hours before having to face him.

He came to a stop in front of me and I slowly leaned my head back until I could meet his eyes.

He was staring down at me with a stony expression.

"Only two days," I said.

"Don't say only when you're talking about getting suspended," he snapped.

I held back a sigh. It was only two years since he'd been out of school himself but it was like he didn't remember how it was at all.

"Sorry," I said.

"No use in being sorry now," he said.

XXX

I stared at the rows of framed certificates on the wall of Mr Scotts office. Darry kicked at my ankle and I looked back to the principal, waiting for him to say something first.

He looked from me to my brother and leaned forward in his chair.

"Darrell, how have you been?" he asked, and the way he spoke to him reminded me Darry was a football star at school, boy of the year.

Maybe Darry hadn't forgotten it all, maybe he just tried not to think about it.

"I'm good, thanks," Darry said, even though he had just come off a nine hour shift and would be going back to work after dinner. I felt guilty for my shitty thoughts about him a minute earlier.

"I know Ponyboy here's been through a very tough time," Mr Scott said.

I gritted my teeth. I hated the pity more than anything. The way adults took on a solemn look when they referred to my parents, as if I needed reminding they were talking about something sad.

"He's doing fine," Darry said. The words came too quick. He sounded angry but I understood it was mostly fear. I felt it too. Everyone had to believe we were fine.

Mr Scott nodded a little.

"Several other students in class said he'd been provoked. But the next time there's any incident like this he will be expelled, you understand that Ponyboy?"

He turned to look at me.

I was still absorbing what he'd said about the other students. There were no other greasers in that class, but some of them had still backed me up.

"It won't happen again, Sir," I said.

I followed Darry out through the empty corridors.

"Darry, they were talking shit about Soda," I said.

He turned on his heel, stopping so fast I just about walked right into him.

He jabbed a finger into my chest.

"Do you know what a world of trouble we'd be in with welfare if you'd been expelled? You going to go around knocking down every mouthy soc I may as well pack you off to a boys home now."

I bit my lip and didn't reply. He was right, but today I couldn't let it go. Not with the police at our door, Sandy in the paper.

"OK Ponyboy," Darry said, as if my silence had been an answer.

He turned and walked off again and I followed.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the late update!

* * *

Being suspended should have meant a holiday, a sleep in. But at six I was lying wide awake in bed, listening to Soda banging open the bedroom drawers, Darry banging cupboards out in the kitchen.

Soda yanked the sheet off me as he headed out the room.

I heaved a sigh and sat up. There was no sleeping in once my brothers were up.

Darry was standing at the table when I came out, staring down at the paper with a grim expression.

"What is it now?" I asked, even though I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it.

He looked up at me and sighed. Slapped his palm down on the paper before turning back to the bench.

"Bullshit is what it is. You wanna coffee, Ponyboy?"

"Nah," I said, dropping into a seat and pulling the paper over.

There was a photo of Sodapop on the front page. The same one they'd used after the fire, of him in the hospital smiling into the camera.

"Missing girl's connection with fatal church fire."

Something twisted up in my stomach. The helpless feeling of dread. I wanted to stop whatever was coming upon us.

"What the hell is this?"

"Bullshit," Darry said again.

" _Missing sixteen year old Sandy Ross is the girlfriend of Sodapop Curtis, brother of Ponyboy Curtis ..."_

I skimmed through those words again. About my parents, and Johnny and Dally and me bringing the kids out of the church.

" _Cade, 16, died of his injuries..."_

I put the paper down and swallowed hard, all of it churning inside me.

Darry stopped behind me and gripped my shoulder for a second.

"Don't let it get to you," he said. "They got to fill up a whole paper every day, remember."

Sodapop came out from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist and his hair dripping down his neck.

"What's wrong?" he asked, stopping dead when he saw me.

Just like yesterday, he was going to have to look at the paper all day at work. Everyone coming in to buy it off him seeing his picture there on the front page as he served them.

I couldn't even look at him as Darry passed him the paper. I only listened to the rustle of it folding in his hands. The dull sound of him slamming it back on the table.

Darry stood close to me before leaving for work. His gaze drilling into me.

"No lying around watching TV or reading all day. You can study and get dinner ready for us. And no leaving the house, not even to the end of the street."

After they left I stood out on the porch having a cigarette.

Our neighbor came out of his front door and walked down to his post box. He saw me standing there and waved. I lifted a hand in return. Watched him pull out his paper and look down at it then back up to me.

I turned and went back into the house.

XXX

By lunchtime I was about ready to climb the walls in boredom. I'd tried to study, but the words slid out of my mind as fast as I could read them.

I kept going back to that stupid article and reading over it again. Every word from that was sticking in my memory.

" _A source reported Ms Ross had broken off her relationship with Sodapop Curtis ..."_

Did a source mean the police? Or was someone talking to the papers?

I slammed my hand down on the table, got up and found my shoes and ran out the door. I couldn't stand being stuck inside, stuck in my own head.

And it wasn't like Darry could get any madder than he already was. Or at least I hoped not.

I felt better to be moving. Feet hitting the pavement, cigarette in my hand.

I was hardly around the corner when I heard a car roar up behind me and slow down.

I turned, stepping back instinctively, ready to run if I had to.

But it was only Tim Shepard, sitting there behind the wheel of some dented up Chevy, looking over at me.

"Hey, kid," he said.

I had a feeling he didn't really know my name.

"Hi, Tim," I said. I was relaxed again. Tim was the biggest hood this side of town, but he wasn't a soc.

"Where you heading?"

"Just the DX where my brother works."

Tim ducked his head at the passenger side.

"Get in. That's where I'm going."

I pulled open the door and got in. His car was messy, with empty bottles and discarded clothes and cigarette packs on the floor. As if he lived in it. Anything was possible with Tim Shepard.

He had sunglasses on, an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. The radio buzzed between static and snatches of Johnny Cash.

"You getting gas?" I asked.

I bit my lip a second later, what a dumb question. But I didn't really know what to say to Tim Shepard.

"I'm getting rid of this heap of shit. Soda's got a friend who might want to take it off my hands."

"You getting a new car?"

"This was given to me, I just need to get it off my yard before my mom loses her mind."

I felt a laugh well up at the thought of Tim Shepard getting hell from his mom for keeping a banged up car outside her house. I swallowed it back down.

"Kid, you got a light? Or look around see if there's one under all that shit."

I shifted my feet amongst the debris in front of the seat. A girl's cardigan. A pack of cards. A match box.

I picked it up and passed it to him. Watched him take his other hand off the wheel to light up. He propped one knee into the steering wheel without slowing down.

I dug my fingers into the seat.

"How's Curly doing?" I asked him. "You been to visit him?"

"He's in the hole for the next month. Goddamn little shit that he is."

I knew what that meant. Being locked in a cell with no window, getting your food pushed in through a slot in the door.

Imagining him alone in the dark for a month made my stomach knot up. Curly could barely sit still in the diner while he waited for a milkshake to come.

"What'd he do?" I managed to ask.

Tim grinned, not looking like he was feeling the same anguish over his brother's fate as I was.

"He started a riot over dinner. He told me he was gonna do it too, said the food is shit and he was going to stage a protest. Fucking idiot."

He shook his head, baffled amusement in his expression.

The image of Curly suffering in the dark shifted a little. It was easier to imagine him standing on a table, hurling a plate, yelling at a guard. The boy who thought he was king of the streets.

"Tell him I said hi would you?"

Tim dragged on his cigarette and nodded a little.

That kid says hi, he might tell Curly. The kid that killed a soc.

I clenched my hands in my lap.

"Tim, do you know Sandy? My brothers girl?"

"I know her."

There was something in his tone, in the look he gave me, which made me remember what Sodapop had said about her. It was as if she was someone he never knew at all.

"Don't suppose you have any idea where she went?"

He shrugged, not looking concerned. I wondered if anything ever got him worried.

"Some people at school are trying to say Soda's done something to her. Some soc's."

I wondered why I was spilling all this shit to Tim. Something about his reticence made me feel compelled to talk. Maybe that's why Curly was such a loud mouth.

"You want 'em to shut up, break their jaw," he suggested. "Works pretty good."

Soda was out in the empty forecourt when we pulled up, leaning against the wall of the DX, can of pepsi in one hand.

He shook his head at me when I got out of the car. Put his hand down on my shoulder and pulled me toward him.

"Darry told you to stay home, Ponyboy."

"Yeah, I was going crazy with nothing to do."

"Darry will go crazy if he catches you out."

"So I'll be back home before he is," I said.

Tim was standing there watching us and I felt embarrassed. Sodapop didn't need to act like I was a little kid who couldn't go out. I bet Tim never went around telling Curly he was grounded or had to make good grades.

I pulled out from under Soda's hand and adjusted my shirt.

"This the car then?" Soda asked, letting me alone finally and wandering over to look at the Chevy.

"Yeah, bit rough ain't it? He can have it for one fifty," Tim said.

"He just wants it for parts, he's got a twin car," Soda said, handing Tim a scrap of paper. "It's his number, you can use the phone in there if you want to call him."

Tim took it and headed in to the DX. Soda leaned back against the wall again and watched the street.

"You trust Tim in there?" I asked him.

"Yeah, but the tills locked," he said, giving me a grin. "I don't really give a shit if he swipes cigarettes."

He drank the last of the pepsi and tossed it at the trash can.

He turned to watch as a car pulled into the service station. A man in grey trousers and a collared shirt got out.

Soda walked over to him.

"Gas, sir?"

"No, thank you. Sodapop Curtis?"

"Yeah," Soda said, the politeness gone from his tone.

"I'm Mike Johnson, I'm a reporter for the Tulsa Star. I have a couple of questions if that's ok."

"I'm busy working here," Soda said.

"Now I understand you and Miss Ross were dating?"

"I got nothing to say to you," Soda said.

"Do you have any thoughts on where she might have gone?"

I came closer to my brother. Leaned against the gas pump beside him and glared at Mike Johnson. But he paid me no mind.

"If you're not getting gas you can get out of here," Soda said.

Frustration laced his voice. I was aware of Tim somewhere in the DX behind us, maybe about to walk out. Maybe about to bring hell down on this reporter who had no business being here.

Satisfying as it might have been, I knew it would only make things worse.

"Soda, let's go inside," I said, trying to sound casual.

Soda turned to look at me. Something in the wild swing of his head reminded me of a trapped animal and I felt a shiver crawl up my back.

An instant later he was himself again.

"Yeah, alright. Sorry, can't help you man." His tone was relaxed again. He walked away and I followed.


	6. Chapter 6

Two Bit was sitting out on the porch when I got back home just after three. I figured I better make sure I had plenty of time if Darry finished work early.

"Hey, where is everyone?" Two Bit asked.

I dropped down beside him.

"Work," I said. "Doors unlocked you know."

"Yeah, already been in," Two Bit said, raising a bottle of coke.

"How's school?" I asked.

And I really didn't mean, what'd you learn in Math?

Two Bit held out his hand to show me swollen up knuckles.

"Like this," he said. '

"You get suspended too you can come and keep me company tomorrow."

He shook his head.

"Nah, out in the car park after school. Some idiot from Brumly way."

"What'd he do?"

"Asked if it was true Soda took her to an illegal abortion clinic and she died from blood poisoning."

"What the hell?" I said, standing up quick. Anger rushing in me like it had when I shoved the soc.

"Just what I said," Two Bit replied.

"Hope you broke his jaw," I said, thinking of the car ride with Tim. I paced the grass in front of the porch.

"Sit down, Pony," Two Bit said. "Have a smoke. She'll turn up tomorrow and they'll forget all about it five minutes later."

I sat back down and took the cigarette he offered.

"I sure hope so," I said.

XXX

Darry arrived home just after five but Soda wasn't with him.

"I stopped by to pick him up but he was going out with that girl," Darry said. "What's her name?"

"Karen?" I said.

"Yeah. She had her car there."

I'd cooked up mashed potato and fried chicken. He leaned back against the bench, not sitting down, holding the plate with one hand and eating with the other.

"You get called in to work tonight?"

"Just doing a six to ten shift."

"You worked last night too," I said. I winced a little at how whiny it sounded. But truth was I missed him, nagging and all.

"We can always do with the extra money, Pony."

"Yeah, I know," I said, poking at the potatoes on my plate.

"You get all your homework done today?"

"I done it," I said.

He chewed a chicken drumstick, spoke around it.

"You got to keep your head down at school. You can't have anything more like this going on your record."

"I know," I said, keeping my head down as it was. Hoping he wasn't about to get stuck into a lecture before heading off to work.

Just a second ago I'd been wishing he would stay home, now I hoped he'd hurry up and leave.

"You get yourself a scholarship and it's your ticket out. You won't have to work like this one day."

With that he put his plate down and washed his hands at the sink.

I stabbed my chicken, feeling that familiar mix of guilt and hurt.

"Soda won't be too late," Darry added, pulling his shirt off and tossing it toward the wash basket in the corner. "Karen has to be home by eight o clock anyway."

"What's she like?" I asked, glad for the subject change. Glad Soda was out with a girl instead of worrying about Sandy.

He was heading toward his room and paused in the doorway.

"She seems an okay girl."

From Darry it was high praise.

XXX

Steve swung his car into the curb outside our house. I was out in the yard, watching the last of the light fade from the sky.

I was supposed to be picking up all the cigarette butts, but it was hard to see in the dusk, and I found myself staring at the darkening clouds instead.

Steve came across the yard.

"Soda home?"

I kicked at the ground, the stupid cigarette ends. As if anyone other than Darry would ever care.

"Out on a date."

"Shoot, where?"

I stared at him.

"I dunno where they went. What's wrong?"

Steve hesitated. I knew what he was thinking. I was just a dumb kid, I didn't know anything.

"Steve, tell me. Is it Sandy?"

A panicked feeling bubbled up inside.

"Cops are out by the river. Evie phoned and told me."

"What do you mean? How does Evie know? What are they doing there?"

Questions burst out of me. We got nothing but bad news. This wouldn't be any different.

"Sylvia told her. She lives that way. Her whole streets been cordoned off and one of her neighbors told her some guy was walking his dog down there and found a body."

"Who is it?" I asked, feeling like my brain had been turned off. Nothing he said was making sense.

The dread I'd felt that morning crawled up in me again.

But Steve was already turning around.

"I'll see if I find him," he said. I ran after him to his car. Scrambled into the passenger seat as he peeled out from the curb.

"Dingo maybe," I said, settling into the seat.

It was only a guess, but I wanted to say something useful so he didn't stop and shove me back out of the car.

"Worth a try," he said. "Don't reckon Soda would take a girl to Buck's. Not at first anyway."

But he didn't turn down toward the Dingo. I knew what he was doing. It was what I would have done if I was driving. Going toward the river.

I saw the cordon stretching across one of the streets but Steve carried on past it and turned down another. He drove to the end of it and stopped and got out.

There was nothing else to do but get out and follow him as he walked toward the river.

The ground was hard and cold. My shoes slipped on rocks and ruts. Trees bare of leaves stood black against the sky.

I followed the dark shape of Steve ahead of me.

I saw the red wash of lights against the dark sky before we got there. Police cars with their lights on parked up on the river bank.

A floodlight cast it's beam over it all. The river moved slowly, rippling silver under the white light.

Steve stopped and put an arm out to stop me. I knew none of them would see us out in the dark but I still shuffled back toward the shelter of a tree behind us.

"What do you think it is that happened?" I whispered, the possibility of it numbing me.

Steve shook his head a little.

There were men standing around, an ambulance waiting motionless.

I pressed a fist against my mouth, wishing I'd bought my cigarettes.

"Look, they got something there," I said, muffled.

Four of the men crouched and then stood. They lifted with them a long bundle.

The red lights flashed over as they loaded it into the back of the ambulance. There was a reverence in their movements, the way they lined up by the door and slid it in so carefully. As if they held something precious.

I bit down on my knuckles, sure I would puke or scream.

"Oh fuck," Steve said beside me, his tone hushed. "What the fuck is that?"

It was a drunk stumbling home who fell and knocked his head against a rock. It was an old man who had a heart attack. It was a blond girl cold and dead.

"It could be anyone," I said.

I was surprised by how calm my voice came out. My heart was thudding in my throat as I watched two of the men shut the doors of the ambulance.

"We should get out of here," Steve said.

I was suddenly aware of how cold it was. All I was wearing was a sweatshirt over a t shirt, ripped jeans and sneakers.

In the car I shivered so hard my teeth rattled.

"You ok?" Steve asked.

He sat with his hands on the steering wheel, looking at me through the dark.

I nodded, hugging my arms to my chest. I would never be warm again.

"We should find Soda," I said.

I remembered Dennis Ross standing on our doorstep. His hopeful questions. The worry in his face.

I had put my brothers through that too, when me and Johnny were gone. I remembered Darry hugging me in the hospital, his relief and gratitude, and I hoped Sandy's father would have a moment like that too.


	7. Chapter 7

Steve pulled into the parking lot outside The Dingo.

On a Friday or Saturday it would be crawling with cars and teenagers, but on a Wednesday night it was quiet.

There was a handful of cars scattered around, but I had no idea what Karen drove.

"That could have been anyone," Steve said. "Some old guy just dying, natural causes, you know."

He leaned over the steering wheel and scanned the parking lot. The neon sign flashed above the door, a faint red light shutting on and off.

I blinked, remembering the lights down by the river, the red against the sky.

"About half of Tulsa PD was down there," I said.

I tried to force down the fear clamped around my chest. It was Sandy. It couldn't be Sandy. Sandy had gotten on a bus and left town.

"Hey, it's a quiet night," Steve said. "They're bored."

"I thought they hassled greasers when they're bored."

"Nah, that's Friday nights entertainment. Any idea what Soda's driving?"

"Whatever Karen drives," I said.

I shoved the door open. There was no point sitting here a minute longer, looking over cars, looking at the light shining from the rectangles of windows in the diner.

I didn't wait for Steve to see if he would follow or not. Urgency I hadn't felt until I got out of the car rushed in me.

The cold air seeped under my collar as I cross the lot. I shoved open the door into the warmth and light of the diner.

Most of the tables were empty. The only person I recognized was Tim Shepard, sitting with a girl in a booth. I headed straight down toward him. Any other time I wouldn't have dared interrupt him.

He was sitting in the last booth with his back to the wall, facing the room, and he watched me come.

He had no food in front of him, only a cigarette which he dragged on as I came to a stop at their table.

The girl looked at Tim then turned to see what he was looking at, up at me.

The question I came to ask him froze inside me. All I could see was the humped shape of the stretcher being loaded into the ambulance.

For someone's family there would be the knock at the door, and when they opened it two policemen would be standing there, hats in hands.

It would be the worst thing in the world.

"You want something?" Tim asked.

The vision cut away. I was back in the diner, Tim and his girl pale and dark eyed under the fluorescent lights.

"Have you seen my brother Sodapop here?" I asked Tim.

Tim sat back a little in his seat.

"I have," he said.

"When did he leave?"

"While ago," Tim said.

The urgency hammered at me while he sat there, as cagey as if I was a cop. Or someone interrupting his date.

I wanted to grab the collar of his leather jacket and yell at him to answer me.

"I really need to find him," I said resorting to pleading instead.

Before Tim could say anything, his girl turned her head toward me again.

She had dark hair pulled back from her face, high cheekbones like a model.

"He left about fifteen minutes ago. He was with some girl."

"Do you know what they were driving?" I asked.

"Left in a blue car. Tim what sort of car was that?"

"Ford Galaxie," Tim said. Apparently, he didn't have the same aversion to questions when a girl who looked like a model was asking them.

Steve came up beside me. Leaned over the table toward Tim.

"You hear there was a body was found out by the river?" he said.

The girl sat up straight in the vinyl seat as if someone had just kicked her in the back. Tim tapped his cigarette into the tin ashtray.

He looked at the girl. "They did, huh," he said.

XXX

Our house was lit up. I'd left the light on in the lounge as I ran out after Steve, the curtains open. I could see the TV playing to the empty room as I crossed the porch.

"Shit, he's not here," I said.

"You ain't even been in yet," Steve said.

He pushed past me into the house. Through the empty lounge to bang on the bathroom door.

"You in there Sodapop?"

I sat down on the couch, watching him. I didn't bother looking or calling out. My brother had presence, and it wasn't here. I could feel the emptiness.

Steve came back in and stood over me.

"It's not even nine, he's probably just staying at Karen's house for a bit."

"Did you think it was weird what Tim said?"

"How do you mean?" Steve asked.

"As if he wasn't even surprised."

Steve grabbed my packet of cigarettes off the coffee table and helped himself to one.

"If a spaceship from Mars landed in the middle of Tulsa I'm pretty sure Tim Shepard would be standing there saying – yeah I knew about that."

I grinned briefly, glad for a moment of distraction from worry.

"He'd probably just tell them to get off his turf."

After Steve left I stood out on the porch wearing Darry's old jacket. I couldn't relax enough to sit down.

I watched for the figure of Sodapop to come loping out of the darkness. But it was the headlights of our Ford which came first.

Darry parked up and got out.

He stomped across the yard and stopped in front of me.

"Ponyboy, what are you doing out here?"

I stared back at him. For a minute I couldn't speak. It was like what happened in the diner. I was at the river, watching the stretcher. I was at the park seeing the body lying still on the ground.

"Ponyboy," Darry said, putting his hands on my shoulders. "What's gotten into you?"

"You seen Soda?" I asked.

He shook his head a little.

"No, why? What's wrong?"

He listened in silence while I told him.

"So you don't even know who that was?" he asked when I was finished.

"I don't know," I said.

He wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me toward the house.

"Let's not worry about it for now then," he said.

"What if it's someone we know?"

I couldn't bring myself to say Sandy.

"It's a big town," Darry replied. He pushed me toward the bathroom. "Go on and get ready for bed now."

XXX

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling through the dim light of dawn.

Something had woken me. I sat up, looked to see Soda's half of the bed empty. The sheet still in place.

The front door banged. I shot out of my room and bowled straight into Darry.

"Is it Soda?"

"What?" he asked. "Soda not home yet?"

He had the paper held in one hand.

"He's not in bed," I said.

Darry swore under his breath. Soda came home late plenty of nights, but he never didn't come home at all.

"News?" I asked him, nodding my head at the paper.

He looked at me for a moment, hesitating. Then he sighed, resigned. He turned the paper around and thrust it at my chest.

"Girl Found Dead!"

I snatched it out of his hands.

The headline covered the top of the page, but the article itself was small. I scanned through it for details.

A man walking his dog had phoned police to say he'd found a body. Police would not comment on any connection between the body and missing girl Sandy Ross.

I let the paper fall from my hands. Remembering the strange tenderness with which the police had lifted the stretcher into the ambulance.

"Ponyboy, we don't know anything yet," Darry said.

I dug my fingers into my palm, feeling as if everything was spinning away.

"Why would the paper even mention her then?"

"Because they know it's the first thing people are gonna think."

He always kept his head, and I hated him for it. I was all alone in my fear.

"They think Soda did something to her," I said, my voice rising. "They're all gonna think it's her and Soda did it!"

"Hey, calm down," he said.

His tone was so sharp it cut through the panic I could feel rising up for a moment.

I forced myself to take a slow breath. The last thing I needed was for Darry to decide he had to stay home with me. I had to go out and find Soda.

"Ok, your right," I said. "We don't know it's her. You better get to work."

He sighed. For a moment the calm expression blurred on his face. I saw his stress, his worry.

"Look, I'm gonna stop past Steve's place on my way to work in case in ended up there," he said. "Why don't you shoot over to Two-Bit's?"

"Yeah, sure," I said. Having some kind of plan made me feel better. It made it seem like we might have some control in this world.

He frowned at me. Looked me up and down, as if measuring up my worthiness.

I didn't move a muscle. He would see I was no little kid crying from nightmares. Not when my brothers needed me to be strong.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

* * *

I stood at the edge of the wasteground. The grass was sheened with frost. The winter sun hung low in the horizon and cast a sallow light.

My fingers rolled up by my side. No blood marked the land where Dally had fallen but I could still see it there.

I hadn't set foot in the lot since that night, would always walk the long way around. But on the other side was Two-Bit's house, and where I hoped to find my brother.

I had walked out to the front yard with Darry when he left for work. He'd paused to face me before he got into the truck, one arm over the door.

"You try and find Soda, he's not starting work until late today. Call me once you've seen him."

He pressed a piece of paper with a number on it. "Don't worry so much," he added. "Could be any girl."

And then we stood in silence for a moment, wishing misfortune on some other unknown girl.

And yet it was the first time in all my fourteen years I'd felt as if he saw me as his equal. Someone who might be able to help, instead of someone he only had to look after.

My footsteps led me nearer to that spot where Dally had lay. Once I looked at it some force pulled me toward it.

I didn't stop until I was right there, until I could look up and see the same streetlight Dally had seen as he left this life.

But that was all that I saw. All this time I'd half expected to find a ghost. Something bright caught my eye and I looked down. A bunch of flowers, wilting on the ground.

The fountain where Bob died had become such a shrine to him there was debate going on in the letters section of the paper as to whether it should be allowed.

But I never expected to see anything left for Dally. I picked the flowers up, tried to straighten them a little, but the soggy petals came away on my fingers.

I threw them down, wiped my hands on my jeans. Looked toward the sky as if I could offer Dally some apology.

XXX

Two-Bits kid sister was bouncing down the steps from their little shotgun house. Hair swinging in a high ponytail, a lollipop stick poking out of her mouth.

She stopped at the bottom. Took the lollipop out and held it between two fingers like a cigarette. She was eleven, maybe twelve. I wasn't sure.

"Your brothers inside," she said. "Asleep on our couch. I think he's drunk."

She kept a bored tone as she said it. She stuck the lollipop back in her mouth and carried on past me.

Two-Bit's house was dark inside. The blinds all drawn. I stood for a moment in the doorway as my eyes adjusted.

Soda was on the couch but he wasn't asleep. He pulled himself up on one elbow and looked at me through the gloom.

I reached behind to snap the blind up a little. The weak sun didn't have the dazzling effect I'd hoped for and only cast a grey light into the room.

"Hey Ponyboy," he said. He pulled his legs up to make room as I sat down on the end of the couch.

I watched him rub a hand over his eyes. His hair stuck up where he'd slept on it.

"You get lost coming home?"

He lay back down, pulling at the blanket he had over him.

"Ran into Two-Bit on the way back from Karen's house and he dragged me to Buck's place."

"Tied you up?"

"Gun to my head."

He laughed, seeming in a good mood despite how rough he looked.

"Thought you didn't drink," I said. I could smell it on him. As if it was sweating from his skin.

"Hey, first time for everything Ponyboy," he said.

But the way he smiled at me was a kick in the guts. As if I was a stupid kid he'd fooled all this time.

I leaned toward him.

"Well I was trying to find you to tell you a girl was found dead out by the river last night. I saw it."

But the last words almost choked me. I saw it. I would never forget it.

And I regretted spitting it out at him, because Soda was on his feet, a stricken look on his face.

"Not Sandy?" he said.

He staggered a little and put his hand out to grab something. There was nothing so he sat down again. Put his head in his hands.

"Ponyboy, tell me."

I was frozen. Horrified. Praying for real, don't let it be Sandy. Because he still loved her.

"We don't know who it is," I said. I put my hand on his shoulder and he shrugged me off.

Got up again and rushed for the bathroom, pushing past Two-Bit as he came into the room.

"Oh, boy," Two-Bit said, looking from Soda to me.

He came and sat down where Soda had been. I heard my brother gagging in the bathroom.

I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I had cried enough to last the rest of my life in the last year.

"Hey, don't be mad at him now," Two-Bit said. "He had to let loose, you know. He's got a lot of shit on his mind right now."

I shook my head at Two-Bit a little.

"I'm not mad," I said.

XXX

Two-Bit decided to go to school, hangover and all, to see if anyone had information. Soda dropped him off, driving Two-Bits car.

"Meet me out here at lunch, ok," Two-Bit said.

I scrambled over from the back seat to the passenger seat beside Soda.

He pulled away from the kerb before I'd even got my legs down.

"Where you going to go?" I asked him.

He'd been vague when Two-Bit asked him. Said he would drive around until he found someone who knew something.

He'd combed his hair back and borrowed a clean shirt off Two-Bit before we left. He looked back to his usual self again, expect for the way he was gripping the steering wheel.

"Sandy's house," he said.

"What, no, you can't!"

"Well why not? If it's her the police are gonna tell her parents before they tell anyone else."

And I couldn't argue anymore with that logic, but it didn't stop the nerves churning in my stomach as he drove toward her house, eyes fixed on the road ahead.

He drove back to our side of town, turned down a few streets. I'd never been to where Sandy lived, and it didn't look any better or any worse than any other part around here.

I knew which house it was going to be even before he stopped outside it.

It was the one where a woman hugged another by the front door, where a boy wearing dark glasses smoked as he leaned against a car outside.

"That's her brother Billy there," Soda said, pointing at the boy.

He leaned over the wheel.

"Her stepmother Linda," he said, pointing at the crying woman.

"Soda, what are you going to do?" I asked, apprehension thumping in me so hard I felt like I was about to puke.

"Here we go," Soda said, not looking at me.

Linda had seen us and walked across the yard and out to the street. Her gaze fixed on the car.

Soda's jaw was tight. He got out of the car and stood beside it, braced.

I got out and came around to stand beside him. We waited for the woman to come.

Despite being the stepmother she looked just like an older version of Sandy with her curled blond hair.

I felt as if everything had just been thrown up in the air and I had no idea where it would land. I was ready for anything but when she reached him she only stopped in front of him.

Her eyes were red. She twisted her hands in front of her chest.

"Soda, they found her, they found her," she said.

She bent over as if something was collapsing inside her.

"Sandy," Soda said. Like her name was a sacred prayer. Like he was someone crushed and wounded. Like his heart was breaking.


End file.
